HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami
"Final Class by HH Bhakti Tirtha Swami"
May 29, 2005
Gita Nagari
Hare Krsna. So first I think all of our sannyasis you’ve met. We’ve had a chance to introduce and you’re hearing their wonderful classes during the weeks. But Gunagrahi Swami, I don’t think he’s been with us here for a while, so many of you may not quite know him or you only know of him. So let me take a moment to introduce him. He said just a moment. That means I’ll even go for moments, because I have to explain about his humility now. Radhanatha Maharaja is on the way, but I think he’s going to be quite late. But if so we’ll bring a chair for him.
So we hope you keep hearing from these wonderful devotees. Today I’m not really going to give a lecture, but I have to more or less, I don’t know, for a lack of a better word, just make a few statements of closure. And then I would like you to have chance to ask questions or to hear from each of our devotees who are sitting here. I will try to stay the whole time, as long as I can. The new thing is that I have cancer all in my back and buttocks, and so just sitting now becomes so much more difficult than before. But I won’t go there. The body doing it’s ongoing thing of deterioration. But what I would like to share today is in relationship to nirjana bhajana. Nirjana Bhajana. This is a period where one refrains or moves away, or moves outside the material realm of day to day service, as well as normal identification. So this is the last time that I’m going to give a class mainly because of nirjana bhajana.
Let me explain this. But before that I’ll make an announcement because I may forget later. When we do finish then we’d like the sannyasis to come up to the Institute house and for them to take prasadam there, and I would like to speak with them for 5 or 10 minutes before they take prasadam. And basically this will be my last formal appearance, and for lack of a better word, this will be the last time you will see me, or I will allow you to see me or think of me as Bhakti Tirtha Swami. Bhakti Tirtha Swami has left. He is 95% gone and now he has to do what’s necessary for the last 5%. See something interesting is happening, beyond my ability to understand fully.
So I will not try to explain it as if I do understand it, but I will try to share as best as I can as I’m learning, as I’m growing and experiencing. Remember, my basic posture and prayers was to experience whatever was necessary to become totally pure, to encounter whatever could help me to impact upon the society in a more, for lack of a better word, effective way, so that I could help minimize suffering for a quantity number of devotees. Mainly to somehow be used to make spiritual life a little more joyful, a little easier, to help devotees to have a little more faith and literally to take on sufficient karma that would allow me to take on that that could remove some of the blocks of many devotees.
So in my own way, as you’ve heard on these Sundays and previously Saturdays, I tried to enter somewhat more into the mood of Vasudeva Dhatta. I say more because this is a prayer I have been making almost ever since I was a young brahmacari – didn’t understand it then, nor do I fully understand it now, but I’m beginning to understand it. Now my concern, from my perspective was how to die on the battlefield. My perception of that was as to die as grandfather Bhismadeva, up to the last breath, to try to be sharing, hearing, learning, and giving, and to allow my life hopefully, and most importantly my process of death, to be a major amendment to the Vaisnava community.
You see in the past we’ve had a rather quick transcendence in the case of Gour Govinda Maharaja, Tamal, and somewhat in the case of Sridhara Maharaja, extended period of chronic illness, but the process of the actual death experience was not quite made as public as perhaps my death experience or terminal illness. And so I fully feel it’s part of my service, a part of my recent prayer, and a part of how I end my service to Prabhupada at this time. So more than I can understand, my service to Prabhupada in this body, in this body, in this plain, in this time, in this institution here is over. And now what I have to do is, I have to – forgive me because I don’t know how to explain any better than how I try, because one is not supposed to fully reveal their bhajan. At the same time, we have the principle of priti, and that we are to reveal our minds in confidence, and receive others’ minds in confidence as part of the loving exchange.
Since I’ve tried to publicly love everybody, whatever that means, or to push the idea of love in terms of Vaisnavas going deeper and honoring healthy Vaisnava love – not lust, not emotionalism, sentimentality, although it’s hard to fully embrace that as long as we’re in a material body, or it’s hard to fully embrace that as long as we’re in the material world. But still we must make all efforts because we say that there is no love in this world, meaning this perfect state, but it doesn’t mean that there isn’t what? That this is an arena for training, it’s an arena for rectification, it’s an arena for what, for allowing people to engage in massive sense gratification. But it’s also an arena for allowing people to use their senses to become freed from this maithunya gara, the shackles that bind us, of love and sex life, to be freed from the enemies of the mind like matsurya and kama and mohan, nada. These are just some of the ways – bhaya, fear – how we go lifetime after lifetime.
So maybe the best way to explain this is when karmis or religionists leave their bodies, their physical body deteriorates and their subtle body takes the soul on to it’s next destination. Now somehow other we are blessed or we’re high quality devotee or if we’re eternally liberated and we’ve just come into this world in disguise, then when we leave, uh – nitya siddha category is a little special because there are so many special variables there. But let us look at the category outside of the conditioned state, where one is going to come back into the material body. That means if one now has reached perfection, then that means the physical body has to die, but it means also – try to understand this – the subtle body must also die. It must all be left behind. The subtle boy has carried us lifetime after lifetime, as long as we’ve been in the material worlds. Sooo many impressions from many, many lifetimes are caught up in the subtle body. So many fears, so many experiences, so many failures, so many successes are all there in the subtle body. Ever since we’ve left the Kingdom of God, Krsnaloka, we’ve been moving on - the subtle body carrying the soul in different environments.
So what is happening now is that my physical body is just kind of hanging on, because the subtle body is still hanging. Physical body is already overdue in that it should have been gone sometime back. But because Prabhupada is using me somewhat as a puppet and also sharing the death experience, so it’s allowing me to have this experience in a way that I can kind of communicate it, and I can share it, and I can leave it as a legacy as part of my service to him. And also so I can prepare many of you for when you’re going to leave the bodies.
We read Bhagavatam and we hear about Maharaja Pariksit who has only a week to live. And so we see what he does. He’s in completely captivated, rapt attention in hearing. He stops eating, he is not mating, he is not defending. None of his previous concerns and obligations have any meaning any more. Not that they were not important, not that they were not relevant while he was existing and going to continue on this planet. So now with whatever short time I have, I have to, for my own freedom of being able to wrap up my service and to be freed of any last lingering things in the mind, a part of the false ego especially, and part of the subtle body’s identification, for those of you who are disciples and wellwishers, so that you have more time to honor my departure. Because after I leave out of here, then you’ll be almost forced even more to accept my departure, because only a few caretakers will see me physically or hear from me any more in this lifetime. You hearing from me in the future will be through tapes or from reading the books, the messages coming forth, or through dreams, or through other transmissions that we connect with you outside of orthodoxy. So we have to – and you’ve heard it a couple of times, but now you have to fully integrate, and the fact that we have served wonderfully together in many opportunities in different ways, we’ve laughed together, we’ve cried together, we’ve made offenses toward each other in different ways, we’ve been faithless together, faithful together, I’ve given many of you instructions in different ways that sometimes you didn’t quite understand, and now we hope that it will all become clear.
See for me it’s a little more difficult, because I was blessed but also sort of cursed that in the kind of way I was serving Prabhupada, I had to be so much aware and attentive to so many things. And so a lot of that was a sacrifice and that it was extending myself to preach, but not always giving deep nourishment to the soul. My soul is of a certain quality, by Prabhupada’s and Krsna’s mercy, and remains as it is, will always what it was. However, as I came into this world, certain coverings, certain things I and you and everyone else have to deal with. And my particular way of serving Prabhupada, I had to be very much – and you see that in my books. My books are all on different topics. My books have been accepted by all the gurus in that area, and that means that I didn’t just write something based on material speculation, but I had to be somewhat on top of what I materially shared. At the same time, I had to be as careful as I could to remain within the Vaisnava paradigm – and I did. And where some people think I didn’t, if they do a closer reading, or if they allow me to explain, or if they do a closer investigation, particularly of the lives of the acaryas, they will see that there are times when we can use secondary things, particularly if they enhance primary, and that our philosophy is that we based our understandings on sabda brahman 100%, but also on anumana and pradyaksa. Anumana is based on some interpretation, realizations, etc., and pradyaksa of course is based on some sense perception. We do not accept pradyaksa or anumana as cent per cent, or as the last word. But we do have the right, explained by Jiva Goswami as he explains the 10 pramanas and the 3 he explains are those that Vaisnavas rely on.
In my services preaching in so many different communities and to so many different environments, I basically used sabda brahman and tried to present it in a palatable way that the audience could respond to and sometimes in certain groups I relied on anumana, certain levels of realizations were shared in different ways. Never, and I say, never did I once go outside of the siddhanta, because if one does that, they are bogus. But at the same time, sometimes one may have an additional, special commission to extend themselves through compassion, in trying to reach as many people as possible. So Prabhupada allowed me to reach hundreds of millions of people, especially through the television programs all around the countries, while I used coming in like a needle and then coming out like an elephant.
I’m only saying that because that is very dangerous. It is not a normal way of how to preach or how to serve and it shouldn’t be something that people in general should rely on as a way to serve the mission. Just like somebody does public relations or somebody is preaching to diplomats or whatever, that is dangerous. We see how Lord Caitanya was letting us know about the danger in Prataparudra, in associating with a king. At the same time we see prita pati yacce yatha nagra nigram… that every town and every village, that means everyone. And we see how Prabhupada was writing letters to Indira Gandhi and Mahatma Gandhi, and how when he first came, he was mainly first trying to reach the academic community. Because he didn’t get as much response as he wanted from the more intelligent class of men – whatever that means – then he went out for the masses. Anyway, Lord Caitanya’s mission, Lord Nityananda is not considering mass or class, but for everyone.
So what I have to now is to put a little extra time … Jaya Srila Radhanatha Maharaja ki! (Jaya!) We have a chair for Radhanatha? Maharaja please come up. We’re just ending what’s going on here. So Maharaja, in summary, I’ve just explained to devotees that my little discussion today, which I’m pretty much finished, is about nirjana bhajan, where at some point one totally moves … please. This is the humility of the devotees of the Lord. So Maharaja, thank you so much. So we’ve been talking about nirjana bhajan and in essence in one minute’s summary, I’m just saying that my conception of dying on the battlefield was more in the mood of Bhismadeva, of till one last breath, trying to share, trying to associate, and trying to preach. Now I’m understanding, as I deteriorate one way, physically, and as the soul comes forth more, certain things become more clarified, and certain things are added on and certain things are dropped.
So this is a really horrendous time for me now. Maybe one of the scariest times, because it means that I’ve got to totally now almost forget everything that I was meditating on all the time in this body, and have to now begin to be, think, and imbibe according to my original, my original svarupa. In order to do that I have to give no more public lectures, not even on Sundays. I’ve already stopped any administration. I’ve already stopped any correspondence. Only dealings I’ll have with any devotees at all now on this realm just with caretakers and Radhanatha Maharaja himself is acting as a special kind of caretaker for me right now. So he along with the other caretakers are the only devotees that I’ll be seeing, it’s only because you’re coming in and out of the room to bring something, or you’re coming only to read or to share something in relationship to Vrndavana. Only thing I’m listening to, only thing I’m reading, or allowing myself to hear is all in relationship to Vraja. And so this makes it a lot more expedient and easier to give death to the physical as well as now to the mental, intellectual, and subtle body, which includes unfortunately so much of the false ego.
Now we have to be careful in this line, because this is also borderlining, or near embarking upon sahajiism. We see Prabhupada warned us of so many things. He warned us of the mayavadis or impersonalists. He warned us of the gross materialists. He warned us of the cheating intellectuals or the academicians. He warned us of the smarta brahmanas. But one of his biggest warnings was of the sahajiyas. Why, because the sahajiyas, they look so close to the real thing. They do that that is associated with authenticity, but they do not have the adhikara. They do not have the blessings, the permission, or the spiritual potency. They’re not literally invited yet, fully back home, where they are in acceptance and acting in accord. And so normally the kind of things that I’m sharing – just as my service, unorthodox, so the way I’m sharing is also unorthodox and I’m trying to qualify it without going outside of revealing one’s bhajana, but at the same time, since Prabhupada is using me to give a major education or service to the Vaisnavas about leaving this body. And so my departure has been so public, and so therefore, up to my last breath, will be public. I will die on the battlefield. But not in relationship any more to Bhakti Tirtha Swami, Swami Krsnapada, uh, John Favors. That is all in the past now.
So if you do come up or we ask you to come or one of the caretakers asks you to read, understand you’re coming in and you’re reading some pastimes and that’s it. No discussions about anything else, and if you do, I will 99% not respond any way. If for some reason I feel that I need to say something to you and I break a little bit of my pattern, then I will do that, but I will kind of hurt myself in the process.
Just like the other day – I had already started thinking this way. I didn’t know I was going to have to make it so public or make it so official. But the other day, I called in some of the gurukulis … Gopal, Vrndavanesvari and family, they were doing the bhajan, and I so much appreciated this whole family of gurukulis just chanting. The chanting will still go on 2 times a day. And let me let you know that I appreciate it so much, and even though you don’t see me when you chant, as you’re chanting outside of my room, so therefore whatever I’m doing inside, I’m doing inside, as it may be … because sometimes I’m literally crying like a baby and sometimes I’m just so happy - as I am now. I’m very mixed right now.
I’m extremely happy – I mean imagine at this point, if you were in the shape that I’m in. Just put away the sickness and all the amputations and all this other stuff I’ve gone through and imagine that the last days of your life, you’ve had chance to serve the Vaisnavas by increasing cetain devotees’ faith and by getting their prayers and their blessings. And now you’re being revealed your original services in the Spiritual World, and you are having a chance to allow that to grow and to unfold, where you’re able to experience gradually the Spiritual World before you leave the physical or the subtle body. So wouldn’t you be really happy knowing that it’s all over, and it’s just a matter of moments or a short time because whatever it is, these are moments in terms of spiritual time… but knowing that even in material time there is only a short time and your life is over, from having to take any more tests, from having to go through anymore struggles, and that you have done basically what you had been sent to do. And maybe you didn’t do it perfectly, but that you had done it in a way that it pleased your spiritual master. Wouldn’t you be happy like anything? So that side of me is just … I mean amazingly happy, because I’ve been given so much more mercy and facilitation than my quality. And I needed it. I wanted it. And somehow it has come.
Now the other side of course is imagine that you got tumors all over you, you got arthritis, you got diabetes, you’re not sleeping, and you’ve been very active and you’re not active any more, and your whole life has been basically activity – even before I was a devotee – especially as a devotee … constantly active and planning and preaching and moving about. And all of a sudden, you’re confined to a room where you have to be on your side most of the time because you can’t even sit up. You’ve got a broken collarbone that may break any day and you lose full control of the arm – anyway, you can go and on and on that side. That side is horrible in many ways, but still what I’m experiencing is token to what one would normally experience with the kind of cancer that I have at the state that the cancer is. I’ve lost a lot of weight, lost a lot of muscle and bone in a lot of places, but still somehow everything is going on.
Now with that, that other side, and now you are entering into a situation where you’re not gone yet, but you won’t be able to relate to those who normally kind of give you certain strength to keep on going as you’re going in your physical state. So it’s almost like a total situation where you’re being thrown into the water, and so you drown or you swim. So we’re stopping everything that would be part of orthodoxy. And so now it means I have a mental breakdown and get angry at Krsna and guru for giving me this kind of disease, causing me to have to suffer like this, uh, and forbid that would ever happen, because you won’t let it happen. Your prayers have already stopped that.
Then the other side is having knowledge of all of you and all the amazing devotees all around the world who you’ve served with and knowing that the same Krsna, Who has reached out … in an extra way to help me and guru can and will do the same for you, and knowing that we can all be back in the Spiritual World serving.
So I think you can just get a little bit of idea of the duality that I’m dealing with now. Scary that I have to make this kind of abrupt situation without fully being able to experience the higher realms… uh, I’m connecting, but not fully experiencing. And it’s like jumping and not knowing if you’re going to be fully caught. But the faith is there and the faith allows you to jump.
See it would be easy if I’m at the situation now and I’m hearing Krsna’s flute and I’m fully 100% aware of where I’m going and all the details. Yes I’m aware, and some of the details are unfolding and unfolding, and some of the impressions are unfolding, but not fully. And so it’s like that. Again, kind of… a little bit, uh, you know, kind of an ambiguous, limbo situation.
I just wanted to read 1 quote in reference to this, or maybe 2, and then what I’m going to do is maybe 5 or 10 minutes I’m going to take personal questions that you may have for me, just based on what I’ve just said. And then after that then we want to receive questions from the floor that all of our sannyasis can be able to address. We want to take advantage of their being here. If it wasn’t for my statement that I had to make today, I wouldn’t have even spoken at all. I would have wanted you to just be able to hear them. But most of them will be around for a few days, or have been around. So you are hearing their classes. And only you unfortunate ones who only come on Sunday, then you are bereft, because most of the time you’re just hearing me. So go beyond the Sunday visit if you can and try to come.
Now this also means that those who were basically around because they were around to hear me speak the little I do on Sundays, that that’s over now. And I’m not just saying that and then 3 weeks later I’m going to speaking again. Personally, I don’t think I’ll be here 3 weeks later, but even if I was – no. This is final. This is an order that I’ve been given that I’ve accepted and now I have to follow it. If I don’t follow it, there will be heavy consequences. If I don’t follow this, then I’ll go through kind of more of a normal, physical breakdown or departure where the body and all the organs just breakdown, breakdown, breakdown, and then finally the soul cannot tolerate anymore and those connected with the soul have some special pity and just snatch you out. I’m trying to align myself in a way that I’ll be able to leave far before that. And I was …this has come about because I somehow couldn’t understand why I was still here when my time was already over, and this physical body is dying, and now the mental body is dying, now I’m understanding it.
It’s that more of the mental body had to be broken, but also I had to help everyone to understand a little better that it is important to die in Vrndavan, Mathura, I’m sorry, in Mayapura, in the holy dhamas, and it is very important to have deep sadhu qualities. It’s very important to detach ourselves from just the normalcy of serving. We serve and that is important, but the service attitude and the consciousness is more important. And so it seems that if I would have left somewhat earlier, this last aspect would have been missed a little bit. Because I’m not leaving in Vrndavana, and I’m not leaving with 24 hour kirtans all around me, or where you know an hour or 2 hours before I leave, which in most cases most likely you won’t. And so therefore, I have already gone in one sense, and now you’re being informed of what I’ll be doing until I leave.
In other words to go back to the Spiritual World, we have to become like the residents of the Spiritual World. And sometimes we can be pulled out the body and whatever is left hanging, then the guru helps to take that away. So it’s like if there was anything hanging with Tamal or Sridhara Maharaja at the time of death, which may or may not be, but it doesn’t matter, but the point is the spiritual master, ready to receive them back in the Spiritual World and engage them in other services there, as well as other universes, it was on him to take away whatever was left.
My meditation in dying on the battlefield was in that way – of already seeing how much mercy is so powerful, and seeing how mercy has extended itself beyond my quality. And I expected basically [that] I was going to preach until I drop, and then whatever else is left, it would just be wiped away. And that’s why up until just recently I was doing radio and other things by phone and still trying to do these classes and any one who comes I would practically – especially godbrothers and godsisters – I would make myself available and I would talk to them. But now you see I can’t even do that because pretty much talking to any of my godbrothers and godsisters even is still in our relationship to service to Prabhupada on this plane. And so that has it’s own subtle way of reinforcing my identity as Bhakti Tirtha Swami.
So… you remember how I shared earlier how Bhaktivinode, he faked paralysis, and it was a couple of years that he was in nirjana bhajan, just living already as if he was in the Spiritual Kingdom. He – as much as he was available with writing his books and managing, and counseling people on an individual basis, that at the end he faked being totally debilitated physically so that he would be in that state. Did he have to do that, we don’t know. As such a high-level pure devotee, never conditioned, but all of these are examples for us in such ways.
We see that Lord Caitanya, that – how many years did he actively preach and stay in the physical body? He left very young. Then we see so many of those years, He was with who? Just a few intimates. Who? Svarupa Damodara. Who else? Ramananda Raya. Okay. Then we hear about Sikhi Mahiti, or his sister, but we see primarily with Ramanda Raya and Svarupa Damodara. Now He’s God. He didn’t have to do any adjustments before He’s going back. But we see that a particular time, His mission, in terms of His travels and being available to the society and the world, that it came to closure. And then He entered more and more with these special servants who facilitated that state of awareness and that state of taste.
And so in our own little way, Prabhupada’s arranging now for me to enter into that phase and to have a few caretakers, or mainly adjusting, doing things with my physical body and some reading as we said and Radhanatha Maharaja will be also facilitating as a special caretaker where we will be basically, uh… be blissed out, for lack of a better word.
But I really want to thank all of my servants. There are some of you who, during this lifetime, assisted me as personal servants and you know me in a way that some others don’t, because you got some heavy, heavy chastisement from me. And you know knew on a day-to-day basis that that smile I give is just a fa?ade to get you ready for the sauce. And you’ve seen me as a workaholic, and you’ve seen me impose upon you and make you a workaholic, where basically those who served me as secretaries or servants, most of the time, you were not able to be regulated in your eating or your sleeping. And as I explained to a few later, I saw you as an extension of me. So where I was very kind and very seemingly aware of others’ needs, it seemed like I wouldn’t be aware of your own needs, because I identified you so much as part of me. And so as I minimized so much of my own eating and sleeping and other things, material comforts. So it wasn’t that I thought less of you, or had a double standard. It’s that that’s how much I appreciated you and how much I used you, and I thank you so much for that. I especially thank – and I’ll thank them when we leave - the sannyasis as such.
Let me just read this to you. I’d like to read a few quotes on this and then I’ll stop. This is Bhaktisiddhanta speaking:
“My dear mind, what kind of devotee are you? Simply for cheap adoration you sit in a solitary place and pretend to chant the Hare Krsna mahamantra. But this is all cheating.”
So here Bhaktisiddhanta is warning that this can also be done prematurely, it can be a cheating process where you try to do such, but you do not have the adhikara, you do not have the connection, and therefore the mind just goes in sense gratification.
Remember a case in Mayapura where there was this devotee – African American devotee – who used to be president of Kenya temple. At one point he came to Mayapura – I think his name was Syama das, Krsna bless him – and he established a little bhajana kutir. And he wasn’t eating – just hold these for me – and he was just chanting, chanting, chanting all day long. So many devotees would come and be very impressed with how austere he was and how fixed. And Prabhupada wasn’t very impressed. Then we saw later that he blooped. So a case of entering to and not having the blessings or the permission.
Or remember the case of one devotee from Chicago who also was thought to have terminal illness. He’s the only devotee in the movement that Prabhupada gave the title of Babaji. I think we remember him. What was his name? Udulomo Adama. So that devotee, he thought he was going to die. The doctors gave that prognosis or diagnosis. So he went – he was initiated by Prabhupada ... Babaji, put on Babaji cloth, went to Mayapura. The idea was to chant until death – or was it Vrndavana? Was it Mayapura? I think Mayapura, huh? Yes. And then later he found out that he wasn’t terminally ill. And he of course abandoned his Babaji cloth, his japa mala, his name, title, and even his identity as an ISKCON devotee, and hopefully he’s come back around to associate sometime. But somehow he left. So it shouldn’t be that we do this as a way of running away, as a reactive mode. We don’t do this because we’re disgusted with material body, or disgusted with our sickness or whatever – or we want to show how advanced we are.
Anyway I’m just reading it so that there’s some balance as we carry this with us. One other reading in relationship to Srila Prabhupada. This is from Prabhupada, Bhagavatam 28 – I’m sorry, Bhagavatam 4.28.33.
“Thus Bhaktisiddhanta Thakura advocated that every devotee under the guidance of an expert spiritual master preached the bhakti cult, Krsna consciousness all over the world. Only when one is mature can he sit in a solitary place and retire from preaching all over the world. Following this example, the devotees of the Internatonal Society for Krsna Consciousness now renders service as preachers in various parts of the world. Now they can allow the spiritual master to retire from active preaching work. In the last days of the spiritual master’s life, the devotees of the spiritual master should take the preaching activities into their own hands. In this way the spiritual master can sit down in a solitary place and render nirjana bhajana.”
So whenever the spiritual masters leave – and I’m going to end with one-and-a-half other short quotes – whenever the spiritual masters leave, there is always confusion, there’s always a certain amount of chaos, because one, there must be. If there was potency in the spiritual master’s existence, his mission, and what he carried – just like when Krsna left the planet we see even Arjuna couldn’t refrain from being defeated by just a common warrior. So obviously that there are certain things that go on by the presence of the guru. Just like some cases when Prabhupada left, we thought that we were responsible for some of the things that were happening. And in some case some of us fell down, because so much of our ability to do something was based directly on, not only Prabhupada’s blessings and wishes, but his presence as we were serving him.
And so when he left, it put us in a situation of destitution, desperation, but most important a time to take up the mission with sincerity and determination than ever before. It gave us a time to now to feel that we had to take on burden. Just like if you saw your spiritual master with someone going up the staircase with a big bundle of something, a couple of boxes, or a couple of bags, you would naturally be drawn to quickly to come and to take as many of the bags as you could, taking the burden on yourself, happily and enthusiastically. So when the spiritual master leaves, so many devotees will have chance now to take on more responsibility, and will have chance to become deeper in their realizations and even empowered as the call of duty is there, and Krsna has no favorites, and therefore is ready to facilitate whoever is ready.
After Prabhupada left, so many devotees who normally may have been taking things for granted or just taking more direct shelter under Prabhupada, when he left, then they had to go deeper and understand our Vaisnava heritage – to go deeper and connect with other also acaryas, and how Prabhupada represented them. Many even began to learn the basic languages of Sanskrit, of Bengali, etc. so they could read the books in their original language and make the message available, so that more and more books would still be available.
So in some ways we would not have grown as we did if Prabhupada would have remained. At the same time some devotees, just months after Prabhupada left, they also left the movement. So in my case, I don’t expect much confusion because you’ve had chance for months to prepare. We’ve signed several documents and wrote several things of clarification – even up to the samadhi arrangements. I’ve even picked out my own urns, what’s going to be used. I wanted to do that myself. This is my nature of control. And the different departments, as many things have happened based on departments, here as well as other parts of the world.
We just expect you to now to go on with what you’ve been taught a little bit by me or by me. And most important, your duty to mission of Prabhupada’s special offering to his guru and to the world that you take even deeper shelter of your grandfather. You study the life of the acaryas even more, and that you make your siksa connection stronger, or you make those connections formal. That you shouldn’t just think that you can go in your devotional service without more personal kind of guidance. You can get that more from your siksas. So each of you should – disciples and wellwishers – you should be connecting deeper with devotees like you have here, or other senior devotees that inspire you [to] make that deeper connection.
Before I read the last 2 and then I’ll stop, I don’t think introduced Guna Grahi. I mentioned but I didn’t, did I? Did I introduce him? So Guna Grahi – the others you all know – Guna Grahi probably mentally tried to block me, but don’t forget. I’m a little different from when you saw me last. I’ve got more mental energy now, but my body is weaker. So you weren’t able to stop me completely, and he’s so humble.
So Maharaja has been serving in so many enlivening ways. You see this jembe drum he has. He has helped to bring more of the jembe presence into ISKCON. So if you love jembe and it makes you move and enthuses you, then you give a lot of respects to Maharaja. If you have a problem, say, “Hey this kind of thing is not Vedic,” then you also give respect to him, that he’s not to be put into a box. That he realizes that all music belongs to Krsna and all instruments are ultimately connected with Krsna. So he’s giving back a certain kind of instrument to be used in glorifying Krsna.
He’s done this in the Krsna Fest, wonderful group of devotees he would organize, and the Pandava Senas and others and the younger gurukulis, they especially loved it, or would love it if they haven’t experienced it. But a group of devotees who knew how to jam and be Krsna conscious at the same time. And so he – you know Maharaja is a musician and he is offering that service back to Krsna.
The other day one devotee from New York, 26 ... I’m sorry, the temple, the brahmacari ashram, I don’t know his name. Forgive me. But he came here just to make pizza for me and some of the members of the community, and I think he was trained up by Kaustubha. And I was thinking pizza, pizza, yeh, but if you really want pizza you just have to be with Maharaja and to be some of his devotees who can make real pizza like you’ve never had before (laughter). When I go to Argentina, an integral part of my siddhanta (laughter), of my sadhana, is to very meticulously and conscientiously, and mindfully to have a half-a-day of just eating pizza (laughter). And we literally do that. They make it so thin and so nice and they keep it hot, and they just bring it in (laughter). And you just eat, you eat and you talk, and you talk and talk, and then you eat and eat (laughter), and then you eat and talk, and talk and eat and eat and eat (laughter), until you get to a point that you’re just exhausted, because your mouth is tired, even though your stomach still wants more (laughter).
So somehow this devotee, he almost matched Maharaja’s pizza. So it made me think of him and I had no idea he was coming, so today I’m so happy to see him, and then Yuddhisthira also came in and he made pizza for us. Here I am a dying man and I’m talking about pizza (laughter). I’m supposed to be talking about Vrndavana (laughter). I could at least be talking about, you know, pakoras and (laughter) somosas, and you know, subji and rice and dahl (laughter), but I was so much that kind of preacher that I even had eating styles adapted to that. And so what did I like? Burgers and french fries and pizzas. So even though I will be thinking only about Vrndavana, cooks, as long as I still have an appetite (laughter and applause). You know at one point, I ... when I was doing the radiation and the cancer was growing, growing really fast, I had no appetite. But somehow in the last week-and-a-half, I’ve been able to have an appetite. I’ve been able to eat.
And so even though, you know, we’ll make the manah-vrata, or we won’t – almost – we won’t talk about hardly anything acc – only Vrndavana we’ll talk about. But, uh, you can still bring the burgers and the pizzas (laughter). And if I die because it’s not good for my digestion, then it’s prasadam and I will die enjoying myself to death (laughter). They’ll come back in to get my tray and my face will be over (laughter)... I’ll have ice cream on this side (laughter)... A little chutney on this side. And they’ll say well, Maharaja died on the battlefield (laughter and applause – “Haribol”). He lived up to his word.
So Maharaja, we thank you so much for being here and maybe tomorrow – not maybe – but tomorrow morning, he can give the Bhagavatam class. And we want to ... (applause) Jaya. And the rest of the sannyasis and godbrothers and devotees in general who are here, please take advantage of your associating with each other. One of the beautiful things about festivals or any time that a large group of devotees come together, that it’s a chance that we can have quality sanga. And again, those who have to leave or will be more prone to leave now, then that’s okay. It’s no problem. Have no regrets or whatever. Sometimes we have to be there when our beloveds leave. But as long as we’re there in consciousness that’s what’s most important.
So let me read these last 2 quotes:
“While Sri Caitanya Mahaprabhu does reside at Jagannatha Puri, He was continuously overwhelmed, night and day, by separation from Krsna. Day and night He tasted transcendental, blissful songs and verses with 2 associates, namely Svarupa Damodara and Ramanda Raya. He relished the symptoms of various transcendental emotions such as...” and just listen to these symptoms that Mahaprabhu relished in that state of confinement. “... jubilation, lamentation, anger, humility, anxiety, grief, eagerness, and satisfaction.” Of course this is not mundane anger like we may experience, but we see that all these emotions ultimately come from Krsna anyway. “He would recite his own verses, expressing their meanings and emotions, and thus enjoyed tasting them with these 2 friends. Sometimes the Lord would be absorbed in a particular emotion and would stay awake all night reciting verses and relishing their taste.”
So we see what Mahaprabhu, Who is non-different than Krsna Himself, Who is Radharani, Who is Krsna in the bhava of Radharani, being the perfect example of a devotee in how He lived, how He gave, and how He left.
Okay last one, “In 1977, A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, at the age of 82 suffered illness repeatedly. So don’t think that a devotee doesn’t get a sick or doesn’t suffer. “... suffered illness repeatedly...” But their suffering is not quite the same, because of how they direct it toward Krsna, how they accept it. “...and became in a physically weakened state. He decided to discontinue his traveling around the world and take shelter of Vrndavana Dhama, the sacred place of Lord Krsna’s pastimes. He listened and chanted Hare Krsna day and night. However, Srila Prabhupada remained in the association of ...” who? “... his loving disciples, who assisted him during his final pastimes, by chanting very softly and sweetly the Hare Krsna mantra, 24 hours a day. Srila Prabhupada said that this was his nirjana bhajana. At that his sannyasi disciples, including the translator of this work, had to take over the responsibility of traveling and preaching all over the world. As he would be able to travel anymore, this great spiritual master had taken shelter of Lord Krsna in Vrndavana during the last days of his life.”
So I’m beginning to feel too much pain now, but I want all of you to take advantage of the devotees who are here. But at the same time, I’m going to open up, just for myself for 3 or 4 minutes to maybe take just 2 questions. And then after that, any questions you may have had for me or in general, these devotees have more than enough devotion and love and compassion toward you, and realization, and blessings from Prabhupada to be able to handle your questions. So there’s 1 or 2 short questions just for me, I’ll answer those and then we can take a 1 minute break while they take me out. You can chant Nsrimhadeva prayers and you stay at least for half-an-hour, 40 minutes, longer if you like, and have chance to hear from them. Some of you only come Sunday, so you won’t be able to be around for their classes later. And if you are wise, you will try to hear longer. There’s enough prasadam for everybody, and if there’s not, just beat up the cooks (laughter) so they’ll never do it again (laughter). You just give them a good beating huh (laughter). Tell them your guru is dying; we should be in a festive mood; this is victory time; he just revealed that he’s being invited back and we all should be rejoicing; and you didn’t come this far and have to drive so far to have a few chickpeas (laughter).
So cooks, if you haven’t made enough, you better have some mystic power to make the food multiply (laughter) or you’re going to have 300 people jumping on your head (laughter). Okay. Please. Is there a microphone we can ... pass the mic. I purposely allowed him to speak. As you know, several times I’ve said I have a very special affection or appreciation for our gurukulis, 2nd and 3rd generation, because it’s a sign that our movement has a good future. When the children of the parents ... when the parents bring these kids into the world and then they say yes. Just like when I broke a little bit of my etiquette and brought the gurukulis in, one of the things that was overwhelming to me is that Vrndavanesvari’s little baby, little girl, whose only – what’s her age? Who’s only 3 years old and she was leading the bhajanas, during their [time] period. She was leading some of the bhajanas. And I was just amazed. There was a whole family, you know, just all a family, a biological family of gurukulis, and then a 3rd generation, little girl, 3 years old and she’s leading the bhajanas. Whew. That was overwhelming. Nanda [Sunu].
Nanda Sunu: Guru Maharaja, my question is that you’re telling us that you’re leaving, but we understand that you’re never going to leave us. So I just want to understand how do we understand this point that you’re leaving, but you’re never actually leaving us?
Gurudeva: Could you all hear him? So he’s saying, I’m saying I’m leaving, but we hear that a Vaisnava never dies and we hear that the relationship between disciple and guru is eternal. And so in one sense it’s like I’m saying to all of you, “Uhum. Bye bye. I’m out of here. You’ve got to stay in the prison now and I’m out of this prison. I’m gone. It’s nice knowing you, working together, but ... haribol. Ha ha. No. It’s not like I’m leaving you behind, or that the connection really changes that much. It’s just that physically I’m going to a different space. Just as I was with you in England and then I left and went to, I don’t know, Croatia, Russia, and then came to America. So we were still in touch, but in a different way. When I was with you in England, you were bringing me the prasadam, you were talking, you were helping me with email. And so there was a certain way we related and served. And then when I left and went to other places, you still knew I was your guru, you had services and I had service, and you still knew we were all blessed by mercy of Prabhupada, you know, to serve his mission. You still knew you had so many uncles and aunties and godbrothers and godsisters, and just an amazing realm of support, of solace. So you have to look at it, you know, more in that way ... as that now you won’t be able to bring the prasadam to me, or do the emails, or get the direct chastisement in the physical, but I’ll still chastise you (laughter).
So some small shift is there, but still – and we look at this, we think of the Goswamis and we see how they were so sad to a certain extent, when one of their colleagues left. At the same time, they’re eternally connected, and at the same time, especially you know on their particular level, they’re always so conscious. But still we look at Srinivasa and so many cases we could site of how they were... you know, it was overwhelming. And so it’s similar. Or when Prabhupada left, it was overwhelming. But his mission goes on and everyday we can connect with him deeper if we want to. I felt like I’ve connected deeper with Prabhupada after he left in some ways than even when he was here, even though he, you know, he gave me some amazing blessings and spoiled me in different ways while he was here. But I realize I’ve connected deeper with Prabhupada through certain dreams or revelations, and also through certain ways how my godbrothers and godsisters explained some of their realizations and meetings and associations with Prabhupada. It actually gave me more of Prabhupada’s association than even sometimes physically being in the room with Prabhupada, hearing his lecture, etc.
Okay, the last question. I’m trying to see if there is any other gurukuli. So there’s no other gurukuli, so we’ll take devotee here. Sahadeva ... one of my oldest disciples from Africa, Ghana. He’s helped me so much there and a very difficult place. And now he’s come to be a prisoner of Radha Damodara for a while. So he loves to give the guru-stomper questions.
Sahadeva: Hare Krsna, Maharaja.
Gurudeva: And if I can’t answer it, then I’ll tell you, I’ll answer it for you in a dream (laughter).
Sahadeva: Since the inception of ISKCON, the few gurus who have departed physically were all put into samadhi without being cremated. But I learnt you’ve given an instruction that when you do leave your body, your body may be cremated. So will you share a little light on this.
Gurudeva: Sure. Just in brief. Uh, there was a letter that was put on the BTSwami list (e-group) explaining this. And it mentioned several things. It mentioned how, you know, it’s not unique, it’s that several of the acaryas and goswamis, you know they were cremated also. Even ... I think even Bhaktivinode was cremated. Uh, do we have confirmation of that? Some of our scholars, yes. Even Bhaktivinode himself, you know, he was cremated. Because of the laws here in the west, you couldn’t put me in full samadhi here. And because I wanted to have presence here, and at the same time presence in Mayapura, our international center, and one of our biggest projects and our home, and with other godbrothers. So there will be a puspa samadhi here and the actual ashes will be taken to Mayapura. So devotees already have their plans of the samadhi, and Bhakti Curu Maharaja, I think, was giving some ideas and some help and facilitation about the samadhi. So all of those things have been pretty much worked out. Okay we’ll take the last question. Okay. I said only 2 or 3 so this is the 3rd one.
Ekadasi Vrata: Gurudeva, how can we position ourselves so that we can get the full mercy and benefit of what you are taking on for us.
Gurudeva: Yes. So how you ... we get the full advantage of, you know, what the spiritual masters try to give us. You take full advantage of it. How do you eat? You just eat, and you digest as best as you can. How do you take anything seriously? You have to have more appreciation of its value, have to also have more and more appreciation or fear of what happens if you don’t get it, if you don’t have it, if you don’t use it. How do we stay out of maya? We have to have more fear of maya, but we also have to have more appreciation of what the goal is, and more appreciation for sadhu, guru, and sastra. So we take, we take more shelter. And how do we do that? That’s all through the 9-fold process. That’s the whole process of Krsna consciousness, of somehow having everything that’s necessary for going back to Godhead, and now we have to take advantage of it.
Your question is a nice question for me to exit on and for me to make my last formal public appearance. Next time you see this body, for many of you, I guess it’ll be when you’re putting it in some type of samadhi, or you’re doing whatever you do before you go to cremation, for those who are here, or for those who come up and read or do the bhajanas, like that. So let’s be happy and fully thrilled that we were able to serve together. Let us be fully excited about how we continue this service. Let me beg for your blessings and prayers as I go through this last shift that I can do it in a way that will help you more and will give more pleasure to my spiritual master.
As I said this is a very difficult situation of this shift. At the same time, I gave you a little of the excitement that’s there as well. I thank Prabhupada for allowing me to be used in this way, and I beg his forgiveness for the fears and the reluctance and the procrastinations sometimes that basically my mind would have. I still try to do or give in as much as I could. Obviously some imperfections were there. I thank him so much for allowing me to minimize some of your sufferings. Some of you would have encountered a lot more difficulties in your own spiritual journey, and some of that’s going to also be eliminated by you looking deeper now at the process, and by being less distracted by just basic issues that’s going to be there. Some of you now will try to have more quality sadhu sanga with others. Just as we’re being forced to, as Prabhupada’s disciples go. We don’t know who is going to leave next. So now as we associate in festivals and meetings or look at each other, we share so much deeper heart connection, because we are warriors in the battlefield who can become casualties in different ways due to old age, sickness, and sometimes somebody can bloop. We look out and realize the amazing variegated family Prabhupada has given us and we realize this could not just happen by ordinary arrangements. This is due to all kinds of divine showering of blessings that so many souls during Kali Yuga at this time can say yes to Krsna.
So you keep on trying to say yes. Even though I will go into my thinking of Vrndavana, still I’ll be thinking of all of you in the mood of us joining up together serving. I won’t be able to think of you in terms of our present services anymore or our present environments of struggle, or are present field of activities.
So I hope the way I shared this did not break etiquette. I prayed deeply before speaking this so that I could (his voice breaks) ... so I could try to give you the best of what I could possibly offer, with what limitations that I have. So I could be as honest as possible and let you see my happiness and excitement as well as my timidness about this. So I pray to Prabhupada that I didn’t say something that may cause your mind to be even a little more confused. I’m not deserting you. I’m not abandoning you. I’ve just been called to do other services. And since I made myself available, I volunteered, so now I have to be ready to do those services. I don’t know exactly all the details and specifics of what I may go through now, but I do understand divya mada, that there is madness and there is divine madness. In order to (his voice breaks) really break all the necessary shackles that one has to enter into divine madness, the sweetness of “I’m all Yours Krsna, and You’re all mine,” a sweetness that goes beyond any level of love we’ve ever encountered in this lifetime, a sweetness that goes beyond any kind of protection that we’ve ever wanted. It’s much greater than that. And a sweetness of activities that are far beyond the way we normally try to engage ourselves and seek for pleasure. So I’m eager for that and ready for that. I thank you all for helping this to be accessible for me, because I could never be put in this position if it wasn’t for special mercy from guru and sadhus.
So, haribol! (laughter by both audience and a chuckle from Gurudeva). Okay, you can chant Namaste and I’ll see the sannyasi when you finish ... maybe when you come up to the Institute House, just before you take prasadam, I can say my last adieus to all of you and beg that you put your foot on my head. And if you don’t, you’ll be refusing a dying man’s request. So I put you in a difficult position. Somebody can chant Namaste. |
